A Long Day of Studying

When awaking this morning at 8, the thought of another long day of studying was enough to send me back to sleep till 9. Dragging myself to my desk was the feeling of utter despair. Not another day filled with pathology, pharmacology, immunology, microbiology, etc. Not another day of memorizing numbers, abbreviations, pathways, and diseases/pathogens. Not another day of being the one unable to partake in life. Not another day of reviewing the numerous ways the body can fall apart on its own or through the gracious effort of bacteria, viruses, helminthes, protozoa, etc. This feels like this just can't continue without losing the last trace of sanity I have left. WAIT! I haven't had my coffee yet.

Ok, things are better. The music is playing, the rhythm is building, and next thing I know 5 hours have passed under the theme of pathology. Time for my break. My SO and I venture out to what I now refer to as the "real world" or "life". Enjoying an IPA, YUM! Conversations, a sense of normalcy, I know is just a tease as the long leash of studying will soon yank me back. An hour and a half later, back to the desk. The hours pass as I study and take random breaks for laughter (check out Debbie Downer) or meditation. The day is concluding like most, the thoughts of a day wasted. I spend so much time functioning as a computer that is taking a long time to download the information. I spend so little time functioning as a human being. It's not always like this, just when it gets close to exam time. I am still struggling with the loss of my old life and the birth of my new life.

Perhaps its not so bad. I can faintly recall the immense desire just to get into medical school and now that I am in, I contemplate getting out. Such a privilege to be in yet such a challenging journey. This journey is long, but fast. Along the way I have learned much and look forward to the evolution ahead.

I leave with this quote:

"In order to discover new lands, one must be willing to lose sight of the shore for a very long time."--Andre Gide